November 21, 2008 – 9:06 am
Sweet 16
Wicked Witch of the West vs. Sylar
Nothing is scarier than watching a maniac with a brain fetish on the loose. While the Wicked Witch of the West may have some evil deeds under her belt, the wildly popular musical, “Wicked,” has thrown her into an entirely different light - discounting all previous assumptions as to the extent of her “evilness.” Needless to say, Sylar takes the crown in this round for his continuing commitment towards ruining human lives.
Winner: Sylar
White Witch vs. Ursula
The White Witch and Ursula definitely have something in common - the ability to appeal to our deepest desires and use them against us. While Ursula tempted the innocent Ariel with human life, the White Witch appealed to Edward Pevensie’s desire for power and affection. The White Witch is definitely a threat with her magic powers and thirst for power. Nonetheless, Ursula’s low tenor combined with her multiple appendages definitely add to the fear factor. Round one goes to Ursula and her crooning musical numbers.
Winner: Ursula
The Grinch vs. Magneto
The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but Magneto’s metal bending skills allow him to dominate any face-off. Although The Grinch incites fear from pint-sized-blonde midgets, Magneto’s awesome powers make him a threat to all of mankind. Brooding, wrinkly, and definitely evil, Magneto is the epitome of corruption and imperfect ideology, pulling ahead with his determination and resolve to achieve his dastardly evil goals. The Grinch’s growing heart kind of disqualifies him anyway.
Winner: The Grinch
Mugato vs. Darth Vader
With his fashion prowess and brainwashing abilities, Mugatu is no push-over-ra-tu. Scheming his way to the top of the fashion pack, Mugatu is a fashion diva with an agenda. Darth Vader on the other hand is terrifying, not only because of his unfortunate-looking helmet, but also because of the ease in which he made the transition from lovable Anakin to scary monster. With his scary breathing noises and deadly lightsaber skills, Darth Vader is the one to beat in this round.
Winner: Darth Vader
Lord Voldemort vs. Malificent
Lord Voldemort reigns supreme as the scariest looking villan ever. Malificent’s comedic green and purple ensemble hardly compare with Moldy Voldie’s snakelike facial features and alarming lack of body hair. With the never ending stream of words that rhyme with “Voldie” (Cue baldie, fartie, Barbie), this ugly composite of err… things, proves the success of his prolific name regonition campaign for most famous villan, with jewels like U-No-Poo- courtesy of the Weasley Twins.
Winner: Lord Voldemort
Cruella de Vil vs. Osama Bin Laden
Cruella de Vil and Osama Bin Laden both share similar qualities- they both love to scheme, decimate innoncent lives for their own purposes, and desperately need new fashion stylists. Although Cruella’s vendetta against 101 spotted puppies irked the ire of PETA, it was hardly comparable to the devastation of 9/11 orchestrated by Bin Laden. Although De Vil’s ensemble and less than desirable facial features have haunted many a puppy’s nightmares, the terrorist wins this round.
Winner: Osama Bin Laden
The Joker vs. CollegeBoard
Evil can be found in the most unlikely of places. Case in point, Collegeboard’s seemingly “cute” mascot may appear innocent to some, but for this senior, a single look at that dreaded acorn elicits fear beyond reading mental comphrehension. On the other gloved hand, The Joker’s haunted image combined with actor Heath Ledger’s untimely death is enough to kill off any laughter within a two mile radius. This round goes to The Joker - finally giving him something to really grin about.
Winner: The Joker
Captain Hook vs. Sauron
These two villans both seem to have a penchant for shiny things, whether they be silver hooks or gold rings. Captain Hook’s relentless pursuit of Peter Pan can prove to be quite frightening at times, and his highly expressive eyes often reveal a little too many of his insecurities, yet his dark curly locks certainly invoke a sense of fear and admiration. However, Sauron’s blazing all-seeing eye takes the crown for this round. Time to “ring” in the winner for round one!
Winner: Sauron
Elite Eight
Lord Voldemort vs. Osama Bin Laden
With the destruction of two of New York City’s most memorable buildings and the lives of 2,974 Americans, Osama Bin Laden definitely has some evil deeds under his belt. Yet even this tragedy melts in comparison to Lord Voldemort’s discrimination of Muggleborns, torture of innocent victims and relentless cold-blooded murder. Avada Kadavra Osama - remember, karma BITES.
Winner: Lord Voldemort
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